Sometimes I think I have a complex. I get overwhelmed and act obsessively. This obsessive behavior takes shape in many forms-- the most popular is me writing out my schedule for the next coming hours, days, weeks, and even months. I write down everything from the times of my meetings for work to going home to let my dog out to when I'm going to shower to pretty much everything besides going to the bathroom. The thing is that I don't need to write this down-- I have a work calendar that says all the things I need to know, I remember everything so it's unusual that I would forget what I need to do. But there is something about writing out all the days of the week and all the tasks that need to be done that meets some weird need of mine.
And here's the kicker, I don't ever look at the schedule again after I write it out. Instead, I'll write another one a day later that says the exact same thing as the last one, only maybe I'll have a little more information about what I'm doing that next week. Ridiculous.
I also make lists to no end. What to do when people come visit?(I literally will plan every minute)What do I need from the store? What errands do I need to run? DISCLAIMER: Making these lists does not mean the same thing as doing the things on them. i.e. I still have not gotten my Iowa driver's license that has been on my "list" for the past three weeks-- actually probably for the last two months. I list things I need to pack, people to call, ideas for presents and activities, etc.
Here's another kicker, I'm not a clean, organized person by nature. My room may have some clothes on the floor, I have scrapbook pages and scrap papers all over my living room, dirty dishes in the sink waiting to go in the dish washer. But even though I'm not OCD on the outside, is it possible to be OCD on the inside??
So this thing, this complex about me-- one might imagine how it is affecting me right now. One day before I leave to go home on vacation for two weeks; Two days before I start giving presents to people so I need to have them all put together and wrapped; Three days until AuBuchon's Christmas; Four days until I travel to Cape for festivities and then stay the night and see some friends the next day. Think of all the planning and pack and cleaning and buying and errands. BAAAAAAAAH!
So, now I must tell you the only reason I felt compelled to write a blog about this is because there is no ink left in my pen.
Good day to you.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
New
Hope and light and promise and desire,
All these things burning inside me like cool fire.
Some may say snow makes one become jaded,
I'd have to disagree- sunshine is overrated.
The bitter cold air blows in with a sweet, proud smile,
Like a brand new mother seeing her very first child.
With each handshake and greeting, it all becomes clearer,
The most important I've met can be found in the mirror.
Appearing familiar in some ways more than in others,
But now looking forward, not closing any shudders.
I'm taking a leap, I don't care where I fall,
Cinderella had a few hiccups before making the ball.
But a fairytale this is not and it's not what it is,
Fore it's a story, but really just a prelude to live.
Not a man, not a job, not a home or location,
All that's needed is my new self, my own heart to be stationed.
It's my choice now if the darkness will ever return,
So I focus on the questions that, for me, they still burn.
It was that place I resided that made me so stiff,
Not a state or a city; my own mind the plaintiff.
All these things burning inside me like cool fire.
Some may say snow makes one become jaded,
I'd have to disagree- sunshine is overrated.
The bitter cold air blows in with a sweet, proud smile,
Like a brand new mother seeing her very first child.
With each handshake and greeting, it all becomes clearer,
The most important I've met can be found in the mirror.
Appearing familiar in some ways more than in others,
But now looking forward, not closing any shudders.
I'm taking a leap, I don't care where I fall,
Cinderella had a few hiccups before making the ball.
But a fairytale this is not and it's not what it is,
Fore it's a story, but really just a prelude to live.
Not a man, not a job, not a home or location,
All that's needed is my new self, my own heart to be stationed.
It's my choice now if the darkness will ever return,
So I focus on the questions that, for me, they still burn.
It was that place I resided that made me so stiff,
Not a state or a city; my own mind the plaintiff.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Home Alone
Things I love about having my own place:
1-- I can cook in my kitchen! I can leave the pots and pans in my sink until AFTER I am finished with my meals without worrying if it's in the way.
2-- I can scrapbook out in the open and not have to worry about picking all my supplies up each night before I go to bed. Instead, I can leave them in the floor until I have a chance to finish what I'm working on.
3-- I can go to the bathroom with the door open-- well, when my toilet is not clogged anyway. Seriously, I think that there is something about using the restroom out in the open that makes the experience so much better. I can't explain it.
4-- On the weekends, I can sleep as late as I want(well go back to bed after taking Tooter out in the morning anyway) and not worry about people judging me for staying in bed a few extra hours-- or being kept woken up early because people are moving around right outside my bedroom.
5-- That's another thing. Now that I have a living room, the only time I spend in my room is sleeping and getting dressed. That's what a room should be for-- not for me to spend every waking minute in there like I did for the past year. I've read things that say you should keep your bedroom simple and not do stressful activities like work or anything in your room so when you are ready for bed you are not surrounded by things that make you stressed. And I believe this to be true.
6-- Guest Bedroom. Sure, I may not need all the room that I have, but it sure is nice when people are here. Okay so I've only had one weekend with Mom, Dad, Reg and Chee here, but when people come visit me in the future*fingers crossed* it's going to be sooo nice to have another room to spare.
7-- I can stay up late watching TV/scrapbooking and no one cares... well, except for Toot who just stares at me until I go to bed. But I don't have to worry about keeping others awake.
8-- I love having my dog. She may not like this snow at all, but the comfort I feel with having her in my new home with me makes me so happy.
It's true. I am very happy here. It's crazy because it's only been two weeks, but this feels right so far.
While I was alone in my apartment last night I found myself thinking of all of these things with a big smile on my face. And then an even bigger smile came across my face when I asked myself this question--
Did I really fart if no one was here to hear it??
Ponder on that for a while.
Ash
1-- I can cook in my kitchen! I can leave the pots and pans in my sink until AFTER I am finished with my meals without worrying if it's in the way.
2-- I can scrapbook out in the open and not have to worry about picking all my supplies up each night before I go to bed. Instead, I can leave them in the floor until I have a chance to finish what I'm working on.
3-- I can go to the bathroom with the door open-- well, when my toilet is not clogged anyway. Seriously, I think that there is something about using the restroom out in the open that makes the experience so much better. I can't explain it.
4-- On the weekends, I can sleep as late as I want(well go back to bed after taking Tooter out in the morning anyway) and not worry about people judging me for staying in bed a few extra hours-- or being kept woken up early because people are moving around right outside my bedroom.
5-- That's another thing. Now that I have a living room, the only time I spend in my room is sleeping and getting dressed. That's what a room should be for-- not for me to spend every waking minute in there like I did for the past year. I've read things that say you should keep your bedroom simple and not do stressful activities like work or anything in your room so when you are ready for bed you are not surrounded by things that make you stressed. And I believe this to be true.
6-- Guest Bedroom. Sure, I may not need all the room that I have, but it sure is nice when people are here. Okay so I've only had one weekend with Mom, Dad, Reg and Chee here, but when people come visit me in the future*fingers crossed* it's going to be sooo nice to have another room to spare.
7-- I can stay up late watching TV/scrapbooking and no one cares... well, except for Toot who just stares at me until I go to bed. But I don't have to worry about keeping others awake.
8-- I love having my dog. She may not like this snow at all, but the comfort I feel with having her in my new home with me makes me so happy.
It's true. I am very happy here. It's crazy because it's only been two weeks, but this feels right so far.
While I was alone in my apartment last night I found myself thinking of all of these things with a big smile on my face. And then an even bigger smile came across my face when I asked myself this question--
Did I really fart if no one was here to hear it??
Ponder on that for a while.
Ash
Monday, December 13, 2010
"I've got friends in snow places".... okay not yet, but soon. ;-)
Well, I finally got a plunger.
I think that kinda sounds like the next hot pick-up line. What do you think??
It's right up there with I'll buy you a drink if you shave my neck.
Some of my favorite times were spent using pick-up lines, slightly better than the ones above, to random guys, whom my friends would pick out in the bars of downtown Cape. It has been two years since I was a college student, and honestly it seems like that was ages ago. I sure do miss just hanging out without a care in the world. Sure, we would have a big project due or a test coming up, but that never stopped us from going out on the town, having a game night at home or just staying up all night leaving each other photo comments on facebook. Then again, I was getting paid in one month then almost what I've been getting paid every week this past year. Okay, maybe every week and a half, but still. And now I'm getting ready to switch over to my new job with better pay and then I'll be able to breathe easy a bit. :-)
I'm pretty nervous about my new job-- because even though I've been here in Dubuque for two weeks now, I still don't feel like I know what is going to be expected of me. And I know I'll learn, but I feel like I've wasted these past two weeks because my new manager hasn't been here for me to discuss training, job roles, etc. Of course I don't technically start my job until the new year so maybe I should just chill.
I met a few people today... it's amazing how much more patient I've gotten from my experience in California. It's allowing me to go up and introduce myself to people and then let it all pan out on its own. I'm excited for Nicole to come visit this weekend-- that is if she doesn't have to go to LA to get her France stuff worked out. It would be awesome to have someone to go around with. Maybe I'll ask some of my new acquaintances where the hang out places are.
Just a little update as I wait for 5 o'clock to roll around. Feel free to post your favorite pick up lines in the comment section.
Boo-Yah.
I think that kinda sounds like the next hot pick-up line. What do you think??
It's right up there with I'll buy you a drink if you shave my neck.
Some of my favorite times were spent using pick-up lines, slightly better than the ones above, to random guys, whom my friends would pick out in the bars of downtown Cape. It has been two years since I was a college student, and honestly it seems like that was ages ago. I sure do miss just hanging out without a care in the world. Sure, we would have a big project due or a test coming up, but that never stopped us from going out on the town, having a game night at home or just staying up all night leaving each other photo comments on facebook. Then again, I was getting paid in one month then almost what I've been getting paid every week this past year. Okay, maybe every week and a half, but still. And now I'm getting ready to switch over to my new job with better pay and then I'll be able to breathe easy a bit. :-)
I'm pretty nervous about my new job-- because even though I've been here in Dubuque for two weeks now, I still don't feel like I know what is going to be expected of me. And I know I'll learn, but I feel like I've wasted these past two weeks because my new manager hasn't been here for me to discuss training, job roles, etc. Of course I don't technically start my job until the new year so maybe I should just chill.
I met a few people today... it's amazing how much more patient I've gotten from my experience in California. It's allowing me to go up and introduce myself to people and then let it all pan out on its own. I'm excited for Nicole to come visit this weekend-- that is if she doesn't have to go to LA to get her France stuff worked out. It would be awesome to have someone to go around with. Maybe I'll ask some of my new acquaintances where the hang out places are.
Just a little update as I wait for 5 o'clock to roll around. Feel free to post your favorite pick up lines in the comment section.
Boo-Yah.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
It's one of those days....
So I guess the only way to tell a story is to start at the beginning. To start with the hopes and dreams the beginning of a day brings, the opportunities and possibilities that will present themselves and then be conquered. So that's just what I'll do in telling my story. Start from the beginning.
Today was going to be a great, great day. My first weekend to myself that would let me get some things done and help me get settled in my new home and city. It was going to start with me sleeping in a little later than usual and then taking my dog for a little walk outside. This would be followed by a trip to my new gym to get in a much-needed workout, finally get an Iowa license, finish Christmas shopping for myself and my mom, pick up some pictures I sent online to Walgreens for my apartment, get ingredients to bake some cookies for a Christmas party I was invited to for tomorrow, and also get some stuff to make a casserole for our work party on Monday. Then I would come home and do some laundry and hang out with my puppy dog. It was going to be a productive and fun-filled day!
Well here's what really happened--
At 7:00 a.m. on the dot I wake up to Tootie staring me in the face begging me to take her out to go to the bathroom. I get my coat and new snowboots on and get outside just to take a first step out on the sidewalk and bust my ass on my way down to the ground. It seems all the snow that had melted yesterday had then frozen back overnight. It was so slick that Tootie couldn't even take a step without falling or sliding so I had to pull her over to the snow so she could go to the bathroom. I was worried thinking I wouldn't be able to go through with all of my plans for the day because it would be too slick out, but thought maybe it would warm up a bit later. So Toot and I went back to bed for a couple hours and by 10a.m. the ground had started melting again.
So I watch some TV and eat some breakfast before I go get on my workout gear. I walk over to put on my coat and am shocked when I look out the window to see a downpour of fluffy snow the size of golf balls diagonally shooting to the ground. The streets, parking lot, driveway and sidewalks are covered! Shit. There goes my plans to get out and go to the gym! I decide that while I wait for it to stop snowing and the roads to be cleared that I can clean up a bit and do my laundry that I've been putting off for over a week! The thing about my washer and dryer is that they are downstairs and coin-operate. I search my apartment and realize I have used all my quarters to pay for parking this past week. Double shit.
Well, I think maybe I could walk up to Walgreens that isn't too far up the street to get my pictures that are supposed to be ready by 1 today so I can at least start working on putting them together. As I ponder this I go grab my phone and it appears I have a missed call and voicemail. It's Walgreens. Apparently their printer is not working and my pictures will not be ready until possibly Monday. Are you kidding me??
Okay, I have exhausted all my options except for cleaning up a little bit more. I make my way into the bathroom and see that I guess I forgot to flush my toilet this morning. I reach down to flush it and to my surprise, it starts OVERFLOWING!!! This normally would not be a big deal-- just get a towel and clean it up and then grab the plunger and that's it! Well, since this is my second week in my new place I haven't exactly been able to go buy a plunger... So of course me realizing that I am not able to use the restroom, I immediately have the sensation to go pee right away. So the only way for me to go pee is to take shower!
Let me recap this for you-- I'm sitting here in my apartment with wet hair from my shower/pee session, dirty clothes all around me, boring lifetime movies on TV that are a lot more lame than I remember them being from when I was younger, smelling Tootie's ungodly farts. I can't accomplish my list of things to do: can't bake cookies or a casserole for upcoming parties, can't work on putting up picture frames or upload pictures from my camera to facebook because I didn't get them put on a cd at Walgreens since my usb cable isn't working and neither is their printer. I can't even eat for fear I might have to take a poo-- that is what would make this story come full circle I suppose.
To be honest with you, I would probably be miserable and depressed right now if this whole situation wasn't so damn funny. It's just one of those days when I should've just stayed in bed all day, but then again, I wouldn't have been able to share this intelligent and educational story with all of you.
Hope your day was a bit more productive than mine!
Ash
Today was going to be a great, great day. My first weekend to myself that would let me get some things done and help me get settled in my new home and city. It was going to start with me sleeping in a little later than usual and then taking my dog for a little walk outside. This would be followed by a trip to my new gym to get in a much-needed workout, finally get an Iowa license, finish Christmas shopping for myself and my mom, pick up some pictures I sent online to Walgreens for my apartment, get ingredients to bake some cookies for a Christmas party I was invited to for tomorrow, and also get some stuff to make a casserole for our work party on Monday. Then I would come home and do some laundry and hang out with my puppy dog. It was going to be a productive and fun-filled day!
Well here's what really happened--
At 7:00 a.m. on the dot I wake up to Tootie staring me in the face begging me to take her out to go to the bathroom. I get my coat and new snowboots on and get outside just to take a first step out on the sidewalk and bust my ass on my way down to the ground. It seems all the snow that had melted yesterday had then frozen back overnight. It was so slick that Tootie couldn't even take a step without falling or sliding so I had to pull her over to the snow so she could go to the bathroom. I was worried thinking I wouldn't be able to go through with all of my plans for the day because it would be too slick out, but thought maybe it would warm up a bit later. So Toot and I went back to bed for a couple hours and by 10a.m. the ground had started melting again.
So I watch some TV and eat some breakfast before I go get on my workout gear. I walk over to put on my coat and am shocked when I look out the window to see a downpour of fluffy snow the size of golf balls diagonally shooting to the ground. The streets, parking lot, driveway and sidewalks are covered! Shit. There goes my plans to get out and go to the gym! I decide that while I wait for it to stop snowing and the roads to be cleared that I can clean up a bit and do my laundry that I've been putting off for over a week! The thing about my washer and dryer is that they are downstairs and coin-operate. I search my apartment and realize I have used all my quarters to pay for parking this past week. Double shit.
Well, I think maybe I could walk up to Walgreens that isn't too far up the street to get my pictures that are supposed to be ready by 1 today so I can at least start working on putting them together. As I ponder this I go grab my phone and it appears I have a missed call and voicemail. It's Walgreens. Apparently their printer is not working and my pictures will not be ready until possibly Monday. Are you kidding me??
Okay, I have exhausted all my options except for cleaning up a little bit more. I make my way into the bathroom and see that I guess I forgot to flush my toilet this morning. I reach down to flush it and to my surprise, it starts OVERFLOWING!!! This normally would not be a big deal-- just get a towel and clean it up and then grab the plunger and that's it! Well, since this is my second week in my new place I haven't exactly been able to go buy a plunger... So of course me realizing that I am not able to use the restroom, I immediately have the sensation to go pee right away. So the only way for me to go pee is to take shower!
Let me recap this for you-- I'm sitting here in my apartment with wet hair from my shower/pee session, dirty clothes all around me, boring lifetime movies on TV that are a lot more lame than I remember them being from when I was younger, smelling Tootie's ungodly farts. I can't accomplish my list of things to do: can't bake cookies or a casserole for upcoming parties, can't work on putting up picture frames or upload pictures from my camera to facebook because I didn't get them put on a cd at Walgreens since my usb cable isn't working and neither is their printer. I can't even eat for fear I might have to take a poo-- that is what would make this story come full circle I suppose.
To be honest with you, I would probably be miserable and depressed right now if this whole situation wasn't so damn funny. It's just one of those days when I should've just stayed in bed all day, but then again, I wouldn't have been able to share this intelligent and educational story with all of you.
Hope your day was a bit more productive than mine!
Ash
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Apple for your thoughts
Things I thought today--
-- Tootie's gas is getting out of hand.
-- I really really hope I don't wreck my awesome new car in this Iowa snow any time this winter.
-- I have found that I love dogs more than people. Even though I really do love most people and honestly think I would give up my life for almost anyone. But if I see an animal being mistreated, I feel an indescribable feeling of sorrow and depression that is unmatched in this world.
-- I wonder what gym that sexy beast who works on my floor goes to. Seriously-- I thought he was dead sexy with his full out "Brian Wilson" beard, but then he had to go and come to work on Tuesday with a new haircut and all facial hair gone. I thought that would make this little crush from a far go away, but it turns out he has the face of an angel and the body of an American effing Gladiator!
-- Am I ever going to find someone who can love me and my weirdness??
-- Wow, I must've really been craving apples today. I looked down at my cart in the check out lane in Walmart and had apples, apple sauce and apple juice!
-- The movie True Grit looks good.
-- DVR rocks.
-- I love getting Christmas Cards in the mail.
-- I also love Barbara Walter's Special that is on tonight.
That's about it.
-- Tootie's gas is getting out of hand.
-- I really really hope I don't wreck my awesome new car in this Iowa snow any time this winter.
-- I have found that I love dogs more than people. Even though I really do love most people and honestly think I would give up my life for almost anyone. But if I see an animal being mistreated, I feel an indescribable feeling of sorrow and depression that is unmatched in this world.
-- I wonder what gym that sexy beast who works on my floor goes to. Seriously-- I thought he was dead sexy with his full out "Brian Wilson" beard, but then he had to go and come to work on Tuesday with a new haircut and all facial hair gone. I thought that would make this little crush from a far go away, but it turns out he has the face of an angel and the body of an American effing Gladiator!
-- Am I ever going to find someone who can love me and my weirdness??
-- Wow, I must've really been craving apples today. I looked down at my cart in the check out lane in Walmart and had apples, apple sauce and apple juice!
-- The movie True Grit looks good.
-- DVR rocks.
-- I love getting Christmas Cards in the mail.
-- I also love Barbara Walter's Special that is on tonight.
That's about it.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Iowa Snow
Greetings, Salutations, Holla--
I don't know if you know this, but it's cold here in Iowa. No, really. Tootie's droppings are frozen to the ground much like Austin Powers privates in The Spy Who Shagged Me. However cold it is, the people here are starting to warm up to me... get it?? Did you see that play-on-words there??
I'll tell you one way I am different than I was when I first arrived in California last year-- I'm going up to random people I see who I think I could potentially be friends with and introducing myself. Of course, the one setback of that is everyone here knows who my uncle is so I've been avoiding using my last name when possible. I really am going to have to work double time and kick some major ass to be known as Ashley and not an AuBuchon. But I'll take that challenge!
I have A LOT of learning to do, but it'll be a nice change. So far I haven't explored the city much-- mainly due to the fact that it's dark outside by the time I get off work and then the only weekend I've had here was spent watching the snow and entertaining my family. It was really good to have them here for my first weekend. Tootie is adjusting-- I fear she may be a little bored with life, but then again she was living with the "most boring couple in the world" so how much more bored can a girl get?!
I just need a few more things for my place to hang on the walls which I will get after Christmas and then I'll be good to go-- and ready for visitors!! Anyway, I'm glad I have a few more weeks here before the holidays, but am really looking forward to coming home and making a few trips to see some people who have made many trips to see me these past two years.
That's it for now-- smell ya later.
Ash
I don't know if you know this, but it's cold here in Iowa. No, really. Tootie's droppings are frozen to the ground much like Austin Powers privates in The Spy Who Shagged Me. However cold it is, the people here are starting to warm up to me... get it?? Did you see that play-on-words there??
I'll tell you one way I am different than I was when I first arrived in California last year-- I'm going up to random people I see who I think I could potentially be friends with and introducing myself. Of course, the one setback of that is everyone here knows who my uncle is so I've been avoiding using my last name when possible. I really am going to have to work double time and kick some major ass to be known as Ashley and not an AuBuchon. But I'll take that challenge!
I have A LOT of learning to do, but it'll be a nice change. So far I haven't explored the city much-- mainly due to the fact that it's dark outside by the time I get off work and then the only weekend I've had here was spent watching the snow and entertaining my family. It was really good to have them here for my first weekend. Tootie is adjusting-- I fear she may be a little bored with life, but then again she was living with the "most boring couple in the world" so how much more bored can a girl get?!
I just need a few more things for my place to hang on the walls which I will get after Christmas and then I'll be good to go-- and ready for visitors!! Anyway, I'm glad I have a few more weeks here before the holidays, but am really looking forward to coming home and making a few trips to see some people who have made many trips to see me these past two years.
That's it for now-- smell ya later.
Ash
That Christmas Feeling
For years I searched for a way to describe how I felt during the Holidays and this quote says it all!!
"Christmas is a cumulative holiday, which is perhaps why it's so difficult. It carries with it every Christmas that went before, and you experience it each year as though you're all ages of your life at one time. You're a child, an adolescent, and an adult simultaneously; people, places, and feelings that have gone or been left behind are with you again, bringing both great comfort and immeasurable sadness..."
--Breakfast with Tiffany by Edwin John Wintle
"Christmas is a cumulative holiday, which is perhaps why it's so difficult. It carries with it every Christmas that went before, and you experience it each year as though you're all ages of your life at one time. You're a child, an adolescent, and an adult simultaneously; people, places, and feelings that have gone or been left behind are with you again, bringing both great comfort and immeasurable sadness..."
--Breakfast with Tiffany by Edwin John Wintle
Cali
Running away never felt so good.
Until I found it was following me wherever I stood
It doesn’t matter where you are or what you see,
If you’re not here, I’m not where I want to be
People are laughing and crying in song
They’re feeling so right even when things are so wrong
I could do that too, if I really tried
But would anyone here really care if I died?
In a city so big, I’m in the cold all alone
Even the homeless have friends to make this place a home
I call to say hi, but you’re breaking up bad
what’s wrong with me, how can this sunshine make me sad?
I get to this point, this point of no return
Now I’m starting to see, I was sent here to learn
to understand the difference of life and fairness
to witness what it’s like to be at the hands of the careless
Once this is known, all can be forgotten
If I can’t get it out of my head, it’ll put me in a coffin
Out in the night, I’m stripped of all might
No desire to stick out these hours until we see the light
Running away never felt so good.
Until I found it was following me wherever I stood.
Until I found it was following me wherever I stood
It doesn’t matter where you are or what you see,
If you’re not here, I’m not where I want to be
People are laughing and crying in song
They’re feeling so right even when things are so wrong
I could do that too, if I really tried
But would anyone here really care if I died?
In a city so big, I’m in the cold all alone
Even the homeless have friends to make this place a home
I call to say hi, but you’re breaking up bad
what’s wrong with me, how can this sunshine make me sad?
I get to this point, this point of no return
Now I’m starting to see, I was sent here to learn
to understand the difference of life and fairness
to witness what it’s like to be at the hands of the careless
Once this is known, all can be forgotten
If I can’t get it out of my head, it’ll put me in a coffin
Out in the night, I’m stripped of all might
No desire to stick out these hours until we see the light
Running away never felt so good.
Until I found it was following me wherever I stood.
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